I recently hit 100 posts on this blog, in fact this makes 102. Funny I should pick this day to go back and look at the past as 'Cry me a river' happens to be my second post...just 100 posts ago..confused? On November 22nd I posted five in one day. This was my first. The countdown had begun and we were getting close to the end of our time in New Zealand and were read to move to the UK. The following is what I wrote on November 22nd and what I think today.
November 22, 2009.....
I have been restless these past few days as I start to plan for our move overseas. I should be use to this by now but I don't think you ever get use to saying goodbye. I don't feel like I am saying goodbye to friends as much as the way of life. Friends will always be there. Fortunately I have managed to cover most bases with my friends via the internet. Some are more computer literate than others but we manage and in a funny way I feel closer to them now then when we lived in the same town.
We have moved several times. The first was just after we were married and the world was our oyster. We arrived in Sydney, two fresh-faced kids from the east coast of USA. Four years in Sydney and back to the states for ten years. When we left America the second time I was gutted. I had a life I cherished with my family and friends. I don't think life could have been better. Duty called and off we went again..back to Australia. Life was different, for one I had children to settle and as a result more obstacles to overcome. I found settling into Australia the second time unbearable in the beginning. I had a broken heart that I had to work very hard to hide...I missed our quiet life back home.
But as in anything, time heals all wounds and I moved on. Our last and fourth child was born and life went off into a new direction for me. I took up painting, we bought a house by the sea and a whole new world opened up for us. Then, seven years on we had ‘the call’… time to move. I have many fond memories and friends to cherish from my days in Sydney. My husband calls them my 'heart friends' and I have to agree. I take great comfort in knowing they are there for me no matter where I am.
Ah, but New Zealand, that is another story...something different happened here and that is why I am so restless at the moment. I guess I could say that I found myself. Sounds a bit corny but it is the only way to describe it. It has been a lovely time in my life..the gods have been with us. I landed on New Zealand soil and was on a mission to 'shake it up'. My experiences shaped me in a way that I could not have expected.
We bought and renovated a wonderful white house hidden in a maze of green hedges. It is filled it with love, family and the treasures we have collected in our travels. I threw myself into volunteering with a vengeance. I quickly got my groove back and have had a delightful four years working and appreciating the people around me. I have made wonderful friends and have a special appreciation for all things 'Kiwi'.
I am proud of my children and the fine young man, boy and women they have become. Our experiences have shaped them in a unique way and they have met the challenges of this lifestyle admirably. We carry on yet again now for the UK and I know 2010 will not be easy as one finishes off University in Australia, another starts it in New Zealand and the other two start a new life in a new country and new schools. It is going to be a challenging year for all of us in more ways than one.
Ok, here is where it happens...the tears, the wave, the straight back, deep breath and eyes straight ahead. It seems to be my normal pose these days...always attempting to 'shake it out'. Well, the days are getting fewer and fewer and the end of idyllic little life in New Zealand is near. Cry me a river?...yes I can do that. Do I want to? Not really but something tells me it will help. I feel like I am the gate holding the flash floods back. I am looking over my shoulder and I can see it roaring down the hill at me. I need to be strong and hold it together. (This is what I get for being the oldest of six kids...always stay in charge.)
Am I looking forward to moving to London?...absolutely! I just have to get myself over the line...completely:)
Image taken by me-Grose Valley NSW Australia
Image taken by me-Grose Valley NSW Australia
May 13 2010...
What say me six months on? Well, I still miss my friends and way of life in New Zealand.
But as in the past, time heals all wounds and the ache is less and has turned into a blessing that I had that time in my life. I am enjoying England and the opportunities that unfold each day. I try to make each day memorable in some way. I admit I am not always successful. There are lots of days where I type away and could seriously do with a bit more exercise but that in itself has been a blessing as well. Blogging has been a great outlet. I liken it to therapy and it is so much more cost effective than the real deal. I have been there too and her final suggestion to me was to write about what I was feeling. That was one week before I started my first blog. Six months later and four blogs later I guess you could say I have a lot on my mind! It is sheer enjoyment and not a bother at all. I love the experience of thinking and writing and the added bonus is all the lovely people I have met. Sharing stories is what it is all about and my life is that much richer for it.
While blogging has been beneficial for my wellbeing on many fronts I have to say it does not fill the void of not having my family around me. Moving or not, having your children move out and on to the next phase of their lives is still difficult. I think any parent will agree with that. You miss them and are happy for them at the same time. It is a confusing and often exhausting emotion for a parent. I guess it is like I tell my children, 'it is all part of growing up' except in this case it applies to the parents!
Six months on is better than it was three months on and I am sure I will have another point of view at nine months and a year.
I started this blog as a place to think. It has sort of lost it's way with the creation of the other blogs but I am glad it is here. It is a place I can come to when I am between and betwixt it all...it helps me find myself.
With that...I am off for a walk.
My solution to life :)